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lumps and bumps

5.24.2018

Silhouette—that sneaky bastard—has always been a huge factor in how I dress myself, as well as how I see myself. It's funny to think that such a simple thing as a shape, the shape of your human body, can affect your life so profoundly.

Recently I've become very conscious of my clothing decisions. I asked myself a simple question: why do I dress like this? Why have I decided to put these particular pieces of cloth onto my body? I observed how I love to change and warp my own shape, not just adorn my body and make it look beautiful, but actually play dress up with form: adding layers and textures, hiding my legs under billowing fabrics, blurring my waistline, becoming formless. For me (and many other women), this is an easy escape from the pressures of that all-important Society, dictating who we are. Namely, we are just a body, and that body is the only asset we have. (Influence from my binge-watching The Handmaid's Tale is palpable here.) We must be sexually appealing Or Else. Our bodies must look like one very specific type of body Or Else. We must dress to please the man Or Else. Et cetera.

Ultimately I can't change the body that I'm in, and I can't un-hear Society's constant blaring on the loudspeaker, no matter how many times I try to block it out. But I can take control over my silhouette and change it briefly—whether with a long tulle skirt, or an oversized dress, or with a popcorn shirt purchased from Salvation Army (pictured above). I've always wanted to push the envelope with dress and form, challenge the traditional woman's silhouette and smash it to pieces. I think I first learned this from none other but Rei Kawakubo, who is basically like my fashion mom. I don't remember the exact moment that I first saw pictures of her 1997 Body Meets Dress, Dress Meets Body collection, but it's been in the forefront of my dealings with shape and silhouette ever since.



I guess I feel as if I have to explain to people (and myself) why I dress this way. After all, it's more difficult to do, and it can lead to awkward questions, i.e. "why do you love wearing ugly clothes" or "why can't you just dress normally". But dressing myself is very deeply tied to my emotional state, my insecurities, and my beliefs. Covering my body and changing the shape of it—wearing things that do not fit into the category of "traditionally attractive"—is my own personal form of rebellion. Because I own my body; this silhouette is mine. I can do whatever I want with it, regardless of what anyone thinks. 
Shirt from Salvation Army, pants are vintage, purse is vintage Coach (gifted to me by my aunt), shoes are Doc Marten's.

Comme des Garçons photos from Vogue. All other photos shot by me with my Canon D600 and an 18-135mm lens.

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