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9.01.2017
Okay okay, so I know I'm merely screaming into the Internet void here, much like I am screaming into the real-life void in my daily pursuits. But has anyone ever wondered what I would wear if I was going to a formal event?? Maybe that's a little egotistical to assume. But the whole point of this blog is that someone has to care about my opinions, so like, whatever.

Since I go to a Big 10 school with a flourishing Greek Life (gag), there's a lot of talk of  so-called ""formals"". It may be totally shocking to the 3 people reading this, but I have not actually! ever been ! to a formal. Maybe it's because I don't talk to boys in frats on principal, or any boy who wears khakis and Vineyard Vines and whose name is something like "Thad". Maybe I'm biased.

But in my hermity uninformed mind, formals are like prom, right? So you wear something, hem, formal. And obviously I must plan for every possible event because I'm a basket case, so I have put together some formal outfits for yall, in case you are actually invited to a formal, unlike my lame ass. Here's what's on the menu:


Look #1: Stun Thad in girly gingham and sheer vintage pieces!! He will totally not look at you like you're a crazy person and refuse to take instagram pictures with you. Also boudoir slippers are a must for every respectable young lady. What else will you walk around your boudoir in? Definitely not regular slippers. You'd be a laughing stock.


Look #2: More sheer vintage pieces!!! A little more Whore Couture, which is one of my favorite styles to do, especially around 20-year-old boys. See, they're excited because you're dressing kinda slutty, which is an automatic plus--but what's this? It's very WEIRD slutty. They are confused but aroused. Your work is done.


Look #3: God, I love gingham. Pair it with more horrifyingly feminine ruffles and your frat date will be on his knees, begging you to "rock his world", or whatever frat boys say, idk. Maybe they say "bro". Who knows. Also, layering things is fun because no one knows how many pieces of clothing you're actually wearing, so you're sexy and mysterious too!!

And with this sage advice in mind: formal away, ladies. I'll double tap any of your post-formal drunken Instagram pictures from the lonesome comfort of my cave.

Special thank you to cassady costume for lending me the dresses and red gingham shirt.


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